


Elvhen Glory? Pfft.

by NamelessShe



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, in complete denial about the egg's plans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-09
Updated: 2015-10-09
Packaged: 2018-04-25 14:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4965082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelessShe/pseuds/NamelessShe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Warden Mahariel and Inquisitor Lavellan give the Elvhen army the finger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elvhen Glory? Pfft.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in complete denial about a certain egg head's plans.

Lavellan and Mahariel laughed until they cried. Solas and his Elvhen army were not amused.

"I fail to see what is so funny," Solas said. 

He exchanged a furious look with his general, Abelas. Lavellan clutched her sides, tears streaming down her face. He was just too much. 

"Do you want to take this one?" she managed to choke out, "Because I. Just. Can't." Mahariel snorted, shaking her head.

"Inquisitor, please, compose yourself," Solas said. 

So it was Inquisitor instead of Vhenan, she noted. Well, that was just fine. If he wanted to take his tantrum to the next level, two could play at that game.

"Ok, ok. I've got this. You want to destroy the world," she said, "Because you're mad that you destroyed the world. That's like stubbing your toe on a rock, getting mad at the rock, and then kicking the rock to stop yourself from stubbing your toe in the past."

"That's not even the best part," Mahariel said. 

"Oh, Gods, I can't, Mahariel, I just can't," she said. 

She almost choked on her own tongue. He was supposed to be the smart one. The ancient elves were all supposed to be the smart ones.

"You should not waste your last moments like this," Solas said. He tried to soften his gaze, to twist her heart the way he always did. Not this time, Buster, she told herself. Mahariel had successfully inoculated her against the sad puppy eyes tactic. She was done with that bullshit.

"No, no, wait," Mahariel said, "I've got it. Whew. Deep breaths. I can do this."

Abelas stared at the two women, his face a mask of annoyance. Solas merely arched an eyebrow. If anything, he was starting to look bored.

"Ok, you want to use time magic to erase this world, killing everyone who ever lived," Mahariel said, "And you want to do this so you can stop Mythal from being murdered."

"I do not see how that is funny," Abelas said.

"Wait, she's getting to it," Lavellan said. She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands.

"And when you go back in time, you'll stop her death so you won't be able to go back in time in the future to stop her death so you'll have to go back in time to stop her death when she dies again," Mahariel said, "Do you see where I'm going with this?"

"That's not exactly correct---"

"No, no, it is," Lavellan said, "We worked it out. You're all fucking stupid and you can shove your Elvhen Glory up your ass."

"Charming," Solas said, "I see you've been spending more time with Sera."

"One more thing," Mahariel said, all traces of mirth suddenly gone from her face, her eyes dark, "I have a skill called coercion completely maxed out. Sounds crazy. Don't think too hard about it, it'll make your precious little Elvhen ears melt off. Anyway, you're going turn around, go back to your snobby little elf kingdom, and you're going to put this nonsense about destroying the world out of your thoughts."

"That isn't how this works," Abelas said. He laughed. 

"No," Lavellan said, "This is exactly how it works. We've had enough of your shit."

"Also," Mahariel said, her mouth a grim line, "We have something you don't have."

Solas sighed.

"And what is that?" he asked. 

There was a roar over the battlefield. A shadow darkened the sun. It was no ordinary dragon.

"That is what happens when you track down all the old god souls and give them to Mythal," Lavellan said, "She says hi and you're not fucking up the world again, Solas."

"You can run now," Mahariel said.


End file.
